It is not your fault you got cancer.
And don’t let anyone let you think that it is- regardless of their profession or how many degrees they
have.
It is not your fault.
Regardless of how you lived.
Regardless of your eating habits.
Regardless of your drinking habits.
Regardless of your exercise habits.
It is not your fault you got cancer.
After a conversation with a client last week, it really hit me that we as healthcare professionals are
failing you if you were ever made to feel like it was your fault, or you deserved this diagnosis in
anyway.
You did not.
From initial diagnosis being asked “what do you think you did to cause this” to years after recovery
made to feel as you should be grateful to be as good as you are because “you weren’t really taking
care of yourself well enough”
Again, it is not your fault.
And it is not ok you were made feel that way.
I am truly sorry if you were, and if you experienced any of this shame or blame from healthcare or
medical professionals.
The impact of a cancer diagnosis is life-changing and traumatic.
The truth is, even if you did all the things, you think you “should have done better” in terms of the
diet, sleep, exercise, and stress management. With even the “perfect routine” (whatever that is!),
the outcome may have been the same. Genetics play a huge part.
Shame and blame around cancer diagnosis is huge. It is often a natural response to try and make
meaning out of an uncontrollable situation. Our brain needs to create a story to make meaning. We
need to understand how something happens. Whether that story is true or not is irrelevant, blaming
ourselves can often be a method of having some control.
But cancer happen to anyone. It is an illness, not a failing.
Shame of course has a dramatic impact on our mental health but now research shows it can also
have a physiological effect.
The feeling of shame triggers an area in our brain, the HPA axis-(hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal
axis). This area acts like a switch and can turn on our stress hormones. These areas are important
when we need them-when the threat is real.
You could think about it like your smoke alarm. You want it to work properly so the alarm sounds
loudly if there is a fire, and you can get out safely. However, if your smoke alarm starts blaring when
your toaster burns your toast- that’s a false alarm.
This area in your brain acts in the same way. We want it to respond with these chemical changes to a
real threat, but we don’t want it responding to these perceived threats.
Research now shows that when this area of the brain is activated it can lead to chemical changes
which have been linked to increased inflammation and decreased immunity. This is not ideal for
recovery.
So what to do?
Research shows that self-compassion may be associated with lowering stress induced increases in
inflammation.
Dr Kristen Neff is a pioneer in the research of self-compassion. She defines self-compassion as the
process of treating ourselves with kindness and understanding rather than being harshly self-critical
when we fail, make mistakes or feel inadequate. We give ourselves support and encouragement
rather than being cold and judgmental when challenges and difficulty arise in our lives.
Self-compassion may reduce the extent to which a stressor is experienced as self-threatening (the
amount of smoke from the toaster our smoke alarm detects), thus reducing the triggering of the
alarm.
We often think we need to be “hard on ourselves” to motivate ourselves and achieve our goals but
in fact the opposite is true.
Shame can lead to social withdrawal, inactivity, and feelings of isolation. This can make it more
challenging to achieve your goals and make positive lifestyle changes.
Some questions to consider:
-Do you feel that you should be “back to normal” after your cancer treatment?
- Do you compare your day now with what you could do before cancer?
- Are you annoyed or frustrated when you need to rest?
- Do you struggle to show yourself the same compassion you give freely to others?
Being kind to yourself is not fluffy and soft. It is important.
By understanding the link between shame/negative emotions and the physiological impact and
chemical changes in the body, we can being to understand that how we speak to ourselves and how
we treat ourselves is a key component of our cancer recovery.
As always feel free to get in touch with any questions.
I am always here.
Catherine xx
